Sometimes, He says "no"

I learned a difficult lesson last week that left me feeling, among many other things, humble.

For as long as I've wanted to be a teacher, I've wanted to be a teacher in my hometown at the Catholic school there. My faith is something very important to me, and the opportunity to incorporate it into my working life openly would be such a gift! So last summer, just a few months before my husband and I were going to tie the knot, when an opening for a teaching position at that school became available, I was ecstatic. However, hubby and I both agreed that our first year of marriage was not one that we wanted to live apart from one another. So, I tucked my cover letter and resume for them away and hoped that I'd get to take it out again another time.

Much to my excitement, that time came again this year. This time, for a Kindergarten position. But we were again greeted with that same reality: if I got the position, hubby would need to take classes at the University, and I would need to live in my hometown, 100 miles from him. We talked it over (and over, and over, and over), and decided that this time, yes. I would turn in my carefully written cover letter, resume and letters of recommendation. And that we would pray for God's will -- not our own -- to be done. That if His will was for us to be apart and for me to be a teacher at the Catholic school in my hometown, then that's what we would do.

So we prayed. And we waited. Until I got the call requesting an interview for the position. The interview went less-than-stellar from my perspective, and had assumed that that was God's answer. Much to my surprise, however, the principal called me back for interview, round two. I was a "finalist". At that point, the possibility of being apart or the coming couple of years not only became a reality, began to almost become likely. And we continued to pray -- God's will, and not our own.

I was scared. What would hubby eat during the week without me there to cook for him? What about starting a family in the next few years? Silly, I know. But seriously some of the concerns I had. So I prayed for God's will. And went to my interview, part two, and tried my absolute best. And it went great.

And for the next few hours afterward, I assumed what God's will was.

So when I received the phone call that the position was being offered to another individual, it was like the wind had been knocked out of me. And I cried, a lot. And I tried to figure out why it wasn't me this time. Why wasn't it my turn?

But after a (not so great) night of sleep, things began to make more sense and I started to connect the dots.

Here I had been praying for God's will, that if He wanted me there, then that's where I would be. But I never thought about if He didn't want me there. I was mad and sad and so many things all at one time -- but then I realized that sometimes, He says no. And I can either resist it and be angry and not look for the positives, or I can accept that this time, God said no. And that just means that He has something else for me.

And now, I can be with my husband. With my brothers and their families (whoo, niece and nephews, too!). With the friends I made at the elementary school I spent so much time at this last school year. And hopefully, in a classroom of my own at that elementary school.

And understanding and accepting that sometimes, God says "no", has made all the difference.