Whipped Creme Santas

Back in October, I decided to make an appointment to take a seat in an egg-shaped spaceship-esque contraption known as the "BodPod" at my former gym. It informed me that my percentage of body fat was that of an "elite athlete" (um, someone please give my middle and high school P.E. teachers a call. I think they'd go into cardiac arrest). Anyway, since then, I've been trying to gain some weight to hopefully get it into a more "normal person" category.

Sounds like fun, right?

Careful what you wish for. Somehow, gorging myself on sweets and such isn't quite as fun as one might imagine it. Anyway, since then I've gained about seven pounds and had been hoping that meant I was on the fast-track to my middle school self (i.e., completely unathletic in both ability [which, by the way, has gone unchanged anyway] and in body fat percentage). Unfortunately, I had another nutrition appointment this afternoon and found out that I am still too low.

So the nutritionist asked what I've been eating each day. And though I'd intended on pretending like I was a fabulous eater who feasts on leafy greens each night (ha! In my husband's dreams!), word vomit happened and I spilled the beans on my naughty eating habits: candy, ice cream and (gasp!) non whole-wheat english muffins! What a silly girl I've been. What have I been thinking?

Let's just say she was only slightly appalled at my eating choices.

And she shared her disdain of them with me by telling me that though I look slim now, I have many tomorrows ahead of me. Whoopsies. And that the food choices I'm making will do some fancy converting thing (I didn't quite follow what she was saying) and wind up as fat on my glutes.

That's right, my friends. All those fluffy, whipped creme Santas (59 of them, to be exact. If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you'll remember I bought a hefty amount of whipped creme hearts after Valentine's Day last year -- these are the same, only in Santa format) I bought on the day after Christmas for 19 cents apiece are all going to end up making me have something in common with the man who the confections are shaped after: a large butt.

Hey thanks, nutritionist lady. Great way to get me to put on a few more pounds and get where I need to be, body-fat-percentage-wise: tell me I'm going to end up with a monster-sized tush. Granted, I totally get where she was going with it all: to gain weight the healthy way, not the candy way. But still... really?

Anyway, on the bright side, if my butt does get bigger, it might rival that of J. Lo... which is what one of my fellow third grade teachers offered to call me this week because of my enlarging ba-donk-a-donk (thank you, squats and lunges!). At that point, I didn't think I had anything on her -- but apparently if I keep this up, I just may.

Whatevs. I totally decided to not put in a work-out after my nutritionist appointment. And then I totally went home and ate one of those delicious, butt-enlarging whipped creme Santas. Bring it on!

Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot!

Has anyone else noticed how fast weekends go? Sorry, that's a silly question. It just feels like Friday was literally two seconds ago -- and here I am with the Sunday night "pit". Which is weird in itself, too. By no means do I dislike my job. On the contrary; in fact, the past few Fridays I've found myself disappointed that the week has to come to an end and that I won't see my students again until Monday.

Regardless, I should stop complaining. My dinosaur-sized goal for 2011 is to enjoy and love every single day. Too often I spend time wishing it were the weekend, Christmastime, summertime, babytime (did I say that out loud? Shh! Don't tell), anytime but the present. And what a silly waste of time it is to spend my moments wishing for a different one.

So today, rather than spending my post-Church, Culver's, grocery store Sunday afternoon parked on our near-perfect micro suede couch with hubby's freshman-year laptop warming my thighs, I decided I'd do something different.

How different?

Very different.

As I've mentioned before, pilates is something I really enjoy. However, over the summer the hubs and I moved home due to summer jobs. The Y at home didn't have pilates at a good time for me... but they did have yoga. Luckily I'm not so serious about pilates that I felt yoga couldn't fill the void that pilates was leaving in my abs. So I hopped on the yoga train for the summer! And when we moved back to our former (and current) location, I switched back to pilates.

Tomatoes/tomatos, pilates/yoga, whatevs. All I know is they both help me relax and they apparently make muscles long and lean.

So anyway, unfortunately this new women's gym I joined doesn't offer either at a great time for me -- except for early Sunday afternoons. Now, as a general rule of thumb, I refuse to step foot in a gym A) more than four times per week and B) on the weekends. However, this yoga they're offering on Sundays is a special kind of yoga -- "hot yoga" to be exact. And hot yoga is literally just that -- you go in this room and they turn on space heaters to make the room a ridiculous temperature to do down dog in.

Which sounded entirely unappealing the first time I heard about it.

But then my city landed itself in the midst of an ice age with -30 degree wind chills. And I can't make it to somewhere tropical anytime soon, so why not go to a steamy yoga room with 25 women?

So hubby was extra kind and agreed to chauffeur me to and from the gym. And I found myself on a cushy blue mat in the front row where everyone could watch my sweaty-like-a-pig reflection.

Apparently it wasn't quite as toasty as usual in there, but it was definitely sauna-esque. Prior to beginning, the instructor asked us to think of an "intention" for our yoga practice today.

Beh?

An 'intention' for my one hour of yoga?

Sorry lady, but I only say prayers for intentions. And I don't think yoga is a form of prayer. At least, not in my own personal book.

And then the weirdest thing happened.

So we're supposed to be all solemn and thinking of who we're "offering" our yoga for today and the instructor turns on some 80s music.

Wait, wait... what? You mean we're supposed to be all spiritual-like and let our toxins be released via sweating while "Tainted Love" plays in the background?

A slow, smart-alec smile spread across my face as I tried not to giggle. Note to self: hot yoga is no place to smile. This is serious business, apparently. Everyone else around me had their eyes close and were totally getting their "chi" on... whatever that means.

As the hour went by, 80s tune after 80s tune played on (yes, no lie: a full hour of all the best 80s hits... including "Jesse's Girl" slowed down and turned into a ballad. HA!) and my typically greasy face turned into an oil slick. Luckily everyone's eyes were closed or they probably would've been blinded by the light reflecting off my T-zone, so it worked out.

But all sarcasm aside, the hour was incredibly relaxing. And it didn't at all feel like a workout -- that's what I like about yoga. Not that you don't work hard (because believe me, that perspiring wasn't just from the heat), but it's just not something you keep looking at the clock thinking, "When will this death march be over?"

Plus, the last thing you do in a yoga class is "final relaxation" -- here, you find a 'pose' that's most comfortable for you and you just lie there. Today I think we did this for a good ten minutes, which was a very welcome thing because our upstairs neighbors had us up for a few hours at 3:00 a.m. (yes, inconsiderate neighbor, we could hear you drumming away to Weezer loud and clear. Darn you, Wii Rock Band!). I'm pretty sure I even fell asleep for awhile in final relaxation today.

Unfortunately, I was jolted back to reality by what sounded like an electric pencil sharpener. And in my half-sleep state, it made me deliriously think I was in my classroom with one of my students getting up mid-language arts lesson to sharpen their pencil. Luckily I grasped reality before probing the woman next to me with the question, "can you share with us when pencils should be sharpened?" in my best teacher voice.

Shortly thereafter, adult nap-time (er, "final relaxation") wrapped up and back into the frigid temperatures I went.

Until next week, that is.

Yep, you heard me right. I think hot yoga and I are friends.

Assuming I can move beyond the awful music, of course :)

No spouses allowed!

For some odd reason, I am downright exhausted. Never mind that I had two of my five work-week days sans third graders apparently, because I am beat. I think I'll blame it on the -11 degree temperatures (that feel like -18 degrees...) around here.

But tomorrow's Friday! And the only thing that makes Friday even better are two things: the chance to wear JEANS to school and also that my outfit has been decided for me. Yes, my friends, I don't even have to pick out my clothes -- they've been pre-selected by the main social committee at school, who planned our annual holiday gathering (my first-ever grown-up holiday party! Exciting, right?) for tomorrow after school (no spouses allowed. Not gonna lie: I am beyond ecstatic about that. I have a feeling that spouse-included Christmas parties could hold an ample amount of awkwardness). And they've requested we get decked out in school-spirit wear. Don't mind if I do!

Because, friends, it seems one of the more difficult parts of my day is deciding what to put on the following morning.

So in advance... Happy Friday! :)

Dear Prude[nce].

Apparently 2011 brought along some unexpected twists. Unfortunately, I'm not referring to winning the lottery or being (surprise!) pregnant, because neither of those have happened. Nope, nothing quite that awesome. However, it did bring me somewhere I never thought I'd be: lying on top of a massage table, sans much of my clothing. Yes, my friends: the girl who has spent her entire life being beyond creeped out by massages, got a massage today.

Now, don't be deceived: I did not pay for it. Well, scratch that. I did pay for it -- but not really by choice, in a sense. I've been a faithful gym goer for the past year and have piggybacked on my husband's University wellness center account each semester for pretty cheap. However, due to convenience (or lack there-of), I opted out of that gym and joined another, women-exclusive club that is within a 2-mile radius of both school and my apartment. Hooray for sanity and a few extra hours of time in my classroom every single week! Anyway, along with sanity and being married to my third graders, this new all-woman locale came with a hefty price tag. Well, hefty to this cheapskate, anyway. I signed up for an 18-month contract and it's costing me $39.00/month (minus my "thanks for going to the gym 12 times/month" credit).

Unfortunately, there was a teeny-tiny surprise that came alongside that monthly fee: a $100.00 "kickstart" fee (which, by the by, I was told was optional when I first came and toured the place. Turns out, it's not optional. When I mentioned I was given bad information, they offered to let me split the sum into three separate payments. Laaame. Where's the customer service?) Regardless, like a sucker... I paid it. And it came with a variety of items I really didn't need: a canvas tote that sports the name of their gym (to add to my 8,000 other totes I already own and don't need); a water bottle (again, to add to my 12 I already don't use); a date with a nutritionist and a fitness specialist; and finally, the perk that landed me on a masseuse's table today: a 30-minute massage.

Excuse me while I cringe and/or vomit.

See, massages have always rubbed me the wrong way (sorry for the pun. It seriously wasn't intentional, I kind of hate puns). In high school some kids liked to give/receive them (I think it was a band/choir geek thing) but I never got into that whole bit. It always weirded me out. Anyway, I'd paid $100.00 for this massage today, so I figured I'd better get my share.

Oddly enough, my masseuse shared my same name but spelled it in a quirky fashion. I abide by the general rule of thumb that you can't trust anyone with two first names... or with an extra-quirky spelling. She first asked me where I wanted my massage to be focused: my scalp? Neck? Upper back? Face?

Uh, face? You mean you can massage someone's face? Who knew! And thanks, but no thanks.

She left the room so I could crawl under the puffy, snow-white, down comforter -- and that's when the best part happened: it was a heated massage table. Yes, heated. This may not sound like much to anyone who isn't living in my region at the moment, but this morning it was -23 degrees Fahrenheit. So heated bed? I think, yes. This alone was worth the $100.00! Well, not really. But I'll just keep telling myself that.

It was also at that moment I noticed she had this Chineseish music playing the background. Thank you, masseuse, for making me feel all cultural-like as I wait under these covers awkwardly, semi-disrobed for you to walk in the door.

I'm not going to lie: I'm definitely a semi-prude, so this was quite possibly the most nerve-wracking thing I've done. I'd put it right up there with walking down the aisle at my wedding or being at the highest point on the Wild Thing at Valleyfair.

Okay, so I'm completely exaggerating. But I would be lying if I said I didn't think about slipping out the back door.

But I didn't. And I survived. But I don't think I calmed down once during the whole thing. Especially at the point when she was giving me a neck massage and she put two of her fingers where my skull meets my neck. For one thing, it was extremely painful. And another, I began to seriously wonder whether or not her fingers would puncture that area and I'd be found dead in this back room by the police. Apparently I've watched too much gruesome CSI, because I don't think that's a normal thing to think of.

She also used oils and got them in my hair. Good thing I'm on schedule to shower and wash my hair tomorrow morning, otherwise I probably would have been semi-distraught (yes, I have a hair washing schedule that I strictly adhere to. And yes, I only wash my hair a few days a week. Don't be hatin'!).

Eventually, I was asked to flip over and lie on my stomach and put my head through one of those circle pillow deals that you see on all massage tables. My face got all smashed and contorted and all I could think of was how my face would look smashed up like that. Seriously, that's pretty much what I thought about the whole time.

And before I knew it, my half-hour of thinking about CSI, smashed faces and gross massage oils in my hair was up. And after a semi-stressful first day back at school with kiddos in my room after the long weekend, I can honestly say that I didn't feel really all that "de-stressed" from the experience. Of course, it probably didn't help at all that I didn't once let my mind drift off into China with that cultural music she had going on. Regardless, I don't think I'll ever find myself lying on a masseuse's table again. Yoga and pilates are a way better 'relaxer' for this lady.

Not to mention, I'll probably save up the money I could spend on getting massages and buy a heated bed of my own instead for -25 degree nights like tonight...

Dear blogging world,

After a far too long hiatus from blogging, I'm back! Only, I've got my tail between my legs.

Why, you ask?

What a horrible, stinky blogger I've been! (Sidenote: Stinky is the term I use almost always to describe my class' choice to continue talking after I've done "the clap". Yes, the clap. I've always vowed I wouldn't use it, but, alas, I caved and became my own worst nightmare. But that's a story for another time, my friends). Anyway, my horrible blogging habits have left me incredibly embarrassed! And have been one of the reasons why I've stayed away for so long. Which really doesn't make sense, but that's okay.

It's been a New Year's resolution of mine to come back to you, even though I don't "do" NY Resolutions. But I guess I do now, or something.

So, friends. I'm back! And I've got something out-of-the-norm planned for Wednesday after school.

You can anticipate a sassy post!

Gettin' Crafty

As mentioned in one of my posts from last week, I spent three nights at school doing parent-teacher conferences. So lucky me, the district gave us not just Veteran's Day off last week, but also the day after as a comp day -- hooray!

So what did I do with my time?

Slept in... until 8:00. Which may not seem like much, but I didn't wake up to an alarm and didn't get up at 6:50 -- yahoo!

I also got a manicure and pedicure while reading trashy Hollywood gossip magazines while sitting in a heated massage chair... amazing. And best of all? I used a gift certificate... so it didn't cost me a penny :)

Shopping was also on the agenda, and I made one unusual purchase. Trust, friends, that I will most certainly share it with you. Just not today :)

AND I got crafty!

Because apparently, everyone and their dog buys their Thanksgiving decorations before Halloween so when I went looking for some over the weekend, there were none left. Only Christmas decorations. So anyway, this left me no choice: be crafty and make your own!

I made my project out of wood and therefore needed some tools for it. However, seeing as hubby and I live in an apartment, we really don't have any tools because we don't really need any tools. Lucky for me, I do have two brothers who live in the area with their lovely families. And they have homes. So they have tools :) Check! We have tool access -- kaching!

Then we made a trip to the Home Depot to pick up a 4 x 4 wood post. Initially, I was a little shocked when I saw the price for this "post" -- $12.00! I wasn't so sure about following through with my "little" project at that point, because to me, one of the purposes behind making one's own decorations is to be a little thrifty. Luckily I have a hubby with a keen sense of smell for a good deal... and he sought out this fantabulous little "cull cart" -- whatever that means. I didn't bother to ask. All I cared about was the fact that the wood that should have been $12.00 turned out to be just two dollars! Yes, please.


After picking out the [cheap] wood, we asked the nice workerman to please cut the posts into four-inch sections. And this is what my giddy little self ended up with:

So we paid for our blocks and off we went to my brother's house to use his sander and cordless drill [which the hubs drooled over the whole time]. The goal with the drill was to drill a shallow hole that would fit a little tea light candle in it. We bought a 1 1/2" drill bit for around (er, exactly) $6.17 and prior to drilling, hubby had me use a tape measure to find the exact middle of the top of each block.

Notice those nice manicured nails in OPI's Black Cherry :) A handywoman with nice nails, mmhmm.

And no, this is not in our apartment. Us, granite countertops? Someday, my friends... someday.

Anyway, once I finished up that job, hubby started drilling:

And I started sanding to make the blocks nice and smooth. Well, at least to the non-sliver point. About an hour and a half after beginning the tool phase, we finished!

We threw the blocks into our trunk, swept out the garage and tried to make it look better than when we arrived. Oh, and we decided to help ourselves and split a slice of the delicious looking banana bread that was sitting on that nice granite countertop seen a few photos back. Thanks, lovely sister-in-law for sharing without knowing -- we enjoyed every bite after slaving away with power tools over these baby-block shaped hunks of wood :)

When we arrived back at our apartment, hubby set up a painting station for me, turned on some country music (his choice, not mine. Sorry hunny, I just publicly outed you as a country fan!) and got painting.

The first coat was brown.
Yes, that's hubby's hard-working paint-brush hand in the background. When the brown was dry, we layered on a clear crackle-coat. I used this stuff that I found at JoAnn's and it was fantastic:

After the clear coat of this dried, I painted a coat of cream... and then the magic happened! Lots o' cracklin'.

After all of that, I cut out some letters to the word "GIVE THANKS" that I printed out nice and big. After tracing around the letters on each block, I painted the inside of my outlines black with a teensy tiny purple brush we bought at Hobby Lobby (um, I love Hobby Lobby. Like, a lot).

Halfway there... yahoo!

And finally after three days of crafty crafting, I finished!

And I'm very pleased! Except for one thing. I'll bet you can see it...

Yep, the "A" -- it's a teensy bit higher than the other letters. Darnit! So I may or may not paint over it and re-do it, but we'll see.

Eek! My reflection. Slight violation of my blogger anonymity!

For me, I'd consider this a success! I'm very pleased with how it turned out and I really enjoyed working on it. Hubby even likes it :) I'm thinking about doing one for Christmas, too, because we still have around 20 blocks left over that we didn't use but did sand and drill. And it ended up being pretty thrifty after all. Probably around $15.00 was spent on the whole thing... not bad!

Now it's time for me to make myself a cookie dough malt (um, delicious) and pick out my clothes for school tomorrow before I head to bed. Yes, I do still pick out my clothes every night before going to bed. Trust me, it saves at least 10 minutes in the morning.

Happy Wednesday tomorrow! :)

Christmastime means Christmas Cards!

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by looking at the Christmas cards my parents received each year during the holiday season. Reading their personal messages and well wishes gave me that warm, fuzzy holiday feeling. But what I liked even more was looking at the photo cards. The ones where families wear matchy matchy sweaters or button-down denim shirts (ha!) were my personal faves... and the inspiration behind me vowing to never have my [future] family fall into that whole "clone" thing.

Anyway, all those years of leafing through their Christmas cards made me eager for the day when I could send out some of my own. And last year, we finally had that chance! So I decided to look at Shutterfly for our Christmas cards because we ordered a photobook from them for our Guestbook when we got married and were super happy with how it turned out. Anyway, I dove into their Christmas card templates and was so impressed by all of the cute choices they had. Now, I have a tendency to be completely indecisive, so choosing a border/backdrop for our card wasn't easy with all of the fantastic holiday card options; I spent days looking at all of the options before finally deciding on one that matched one of our wedding photos perfectly.

Once I got over the obstacle of narrowing down which template to use, the whole ordering process with Shutterfly was a breeze. For newlyweds, the price-point wasn't too high, either! And they had a great promotion going where we got 20% off, too... always a bonus :) Best of all, we even had the option to pick up our cards at a local Wal-Mart rather than waiting for them in the mail (which was perfect, because I was totally impatient to see my first-ever Christmas cards!). They turned out beautifully and we got so many complements on them.

This year, I'm just as eager to get Christmas cards out... but maybe this year with the addition of a Christmas letter, too :) We'll see. This time I'm also thinking of doing a multi-picture card to showcase some of our adventures in our first full-year of marriage. I was really excited when I looked into Shutterfly's new options for Christmas cards this year because I found one that would fit exactly what I was looking for if I wanted to go the route of both a letter and a multi-picture card:

Christmas Letter Christmas Card

But of course, life gets busy... especially with being a first-year-teacher! So who knows if I'll get to writing that little letter. So if not, I could still use this multi-photo option instead...

All in Lights Christmas Card

However, there's something to be said for simple elegance at Christmastime, which Shutterfly does an amazing job of. These are some of my favorites...

Merry Bright Star Christmas Card

Swirl Greetings Christmas Card

Festive Script Christmas Card

And then these next few are just so fun and so perfect...

Vintage Merry Christmas Card

Mod Ornaments Holiday Card

Glitter Glamour Joy Christmas Card

I love that last one with the glittery words. The red looks so good with the black and white photo! I think I might be mostly leaning toward that one. But can you see how hard it is to choose just one?! They have such cute designs!

I can't wait until Christmas comes a little closer and I can start playing with each of these cards and getting some ordered! I'm trying to hold off on getting into the Christmas spirit too much before Thanksgiving... :) But when I am ready to be full-blown Christmas, ordering one of these snazzy holiday cards is definitely at the top of my "to-do" list! And I promise I'll share it with you on here when I do :)

*I’m receiving 50 free cards from Shutterfly for this post, and if you’re a blogger, you can too! Follow this link and check it out! Click here!